Marriage counseling after a partner has been unfaithful can be challenging. I have found that the most important role I have is in maintaining “unconditional positive regard” for both the betrayer and the betrayed. The psychologist may be thought to naturally lean toward having the most compassion for the partner who has been hurt. But if therapy is to be successful and the infidelity is to not recur, the therapist must have unconditional empathy and respect for both spouses–including the spouse who has committed the infidelity.
The most common reason that couples consult me after one spouse has had an affair is concern for their children and the expected difficulties associated with breaking up all the extended family relationships. I have gone through this healing journey with many couples (married and otherwise) who have come back from the brink of relationship disaster to ultimately arrive at a more highly functioning relationship than before.
